A Journey to Happiness _Episode 10

Episode 10
In the name of Allah[1], the All-Merciful, the Ever-Merciful, and peace be upon the Prophet Muhammad (SAWS[2]).



Happiness does not occur on an individual basis; it is rather the outcome of human interactions. Therefore, if you are angry and outraged you will never feel happy because people will avoid you.



Amal is a mother of three kids in her thirties. Although she has everything to make her happy: beauty, money, a good husband, children, and a strong relationship with Allah, she is unhappy. She can endure others' faults, but when she gets angry she loses self-restraint. She fell speechless after quarreling with her kids who do not do well at school and was admitted to hospital. I will tell you at the end what happened to Amal, but let us first discuss the gravity of anger.



Man is always under life's pressures that make him lose temper quickly. He reacts violently to small faults of weak persons: his wife, son, or servant. When he comes to his senses and realizes that he was overreacting, he finds it is too late to heal the injuries he left in the hearts of others.



A parent of a child who has a bad temper wanted to teach him a lesson. He gave him a bag full of nails and asked him to hammer a nail in the garden wall every time he loses his temper. In the first day the child hammered 37 nails. In the next week, the number of hammered nails decreased and so on until it there were no nails. His father asked him to pull out the nails hammered to the wall; he did and left the wall full of holes. His father told him that he made deep injuries in the hearts of everyone he scolded, exactly like the holes left in the wall.



Today's episode warns against rage and brings forward two alternative qualities loved by Allah and his Prophet (SAWS) which ultimately lead to happiness: leniency and forbearance.



First, what is anger? The Prophet (SAWS) described anger as a fire dormant in the heart aroused by Satan and fueled by arrogance, stubbornness, maliciousness, or life's pressures. He advised the angry to make ablution to extinguish Satan's fire.



Forbearance means to constrain oneself when feeling angry, it makes one lenient when taking decisions while angry. The Prophet (SAWS) said that those who are not lenient are deprived of blessings, and that Allah prohibited the torture of the lenient and mild in the hellfire. He also declared that the best people are those who do not get angry or lose their temper often and who recover themselves quickly if they did. On the contrary, the worst are those who lose their temper often and do not regain self-control quickly.



It is important to mention that being lenient does not mean being passive. It is forbidden to act indifferently to wrongdoings. However, leniency gives one a pause to come to one's senses and hence think rationally and find better solutions for one's problems.



One may wonder, "Can personal traits be changed?" In other words, "Do we inherit our traits, such as a quick temper, and hence can never be changed or are they acquired and are subject to change?" In fact, the Prophet (SAWS) answered this question specifically, he said that one can gain forbearance and be patience through self-struggling.



Man's personality can be likened to his body in this respect. One can lose weight by resisting bad nutritional habits. Likewise, one can become lenient and mild by resisting outbursts of anger. Man can change any habit in twenty one days only. The practical step to change a bad trait is to act completely in the contrary way for a whole month, after which the new acquired trait will become part of your nature. Ramadan is the best start; it is the month of forbearance and patience.



The Prophet (SAWS) put a rule to follow in your life. He declared that whenever you act leniently, things would be well and go smoothly. However, if you act harshly, matters will become worse and complicated.



Allah orders us to be lenient even when calling to the truth. Allah says what can be translated as, "... dispute with them in the way (which is) fairest…" (TMQ[3], 16: 125). Imam Malik considered the one who defends the truth by scolding others as acting according to his wishes not Allah's commandments.



You have to be lenient and patient if you seek Allah's love. A delegation of Abdulqays tribe came to Madinah[4] to meet the Prophet (SAWS). They all could not bear to wait until shackling their camels and getting tidy, but went at once to the Prophet (SAWS) except for Ahnaf Ibn-Qays. He went first to have a shower and get ready for the Prophet's (SAWS) meeting. When the Prophet (SAWS) saw him he told him that he had two qualities loved by Allah and his Prophet (SAWS): forbearance and deliberateness. If you seek Allah's love, you should take a decision to compose yourself in Ramadan and struggle to learn the qualities of forbearance and deliberateness to gain His love before the end of the month.



Let us see practical examples of how the Prophet (SAWS) dealt with others' faults with forbearance, leniency and subtle emotion.



Khawwat Ibn-Jubayr was sitting with some women listening to their talk. The Prophet (SAWS) came across him and asked for the reason of his sitting with these ladies. He got embarrassed and replied that he came asking for a hobble for his straying camel. The Prophet (SAWS) kept asking him about his straying camel whenever he saw him in their way to Madinah. Khawwat hurried to Madinah where he avoided the mosque and avoided seeing the Prophet's (SAWS).



Once Khawwat found the mosque empty, he went in and started praying. The Prophet (SAWS) entered the mosque; he performed two-Raka’a[5] of prayer and sat waiting for him. Khawwat, in response, prolonged his prayer. The Prophet (SAWS) commented that he would not get out of the mosque before he finished. At that point, Khawwat decided to say the truth and make apology. When he finished, the Prophet (SAWS) asked him about his straying camel and he replied that his camel had never strayed since he became a Muslim. The Prophet (SAWS) prayed that Allah may show mercy towards him twice or thrice and made no mention of his camel after wards. The Prophet (SAWS) used indirect preaching with Khawwat; If he told him directly that he was a liar, he would not confess his fault and might continue to the worse.



Amr Ibn-alshariid was a young man who adored poetry so much that he neglected some duties. The Prophet (SAWS) did not order him to give up this hobby; instead he analyzed the causes of the problem and used Amr's own talent as a problem-solving tool. He asked Amr to ride behind him and recite poetry of a reasonable poet called Umayyah Ibn-Asalt. Amr got so pleased that the Prophet's (SAWS) sought his company and showed interest in his talent. He encouraged him to continue until he listened to 100 lines of poetry before reciting the following ayah[6], "And the poets, the misguided closely follow them; Have you not seen that they wander in every valley, And that they say what they do not perform? Excepting the ones who have believed, and done deeds of righteousness…, and remember Allah much, and vindicate themselves ever after being unjustly treated…" (TMQ, 26:224-227). Through care and participation, the Prophet (SAWS) taught Amr to differentiate between prohibited and allowed poetry.



The Muslims suffered from sever hunger, and they agreed to divide whatever food they found between them. Abis Ibn-Gabr found some meat, he looked around and found no one and then swore to eat it alone. He looked in front of him to find the Prophet (SAWS) saying with a sad smile that he got angry with him. Abis Ibn-Gabr hurried to people inviting them to food loudly so that his voice would reach the Prophet (SAWS). The Prophet (SAWS) did not reproach Abis, he only expressed how his deed affected his feeling. If you bring up your children with love, saying "I am angry with you" would be the most sever punishment for them.



Now, you want to know the end of Amal's story. She has been recovered. Her doctor let her choose either to be take hypertension medications and tranquillizers or to learn lenience and forbearance.





How to acquire the qualities of leniency and forbearance



Here are some practical steps to follow:



1. Print a hard copy of the following Hadith[7] narrated by Lady Aisha and fix it to a wall in your room, "Leniency is not to be found in anything without adding to its beauty, and it is not withdrawn from anything without making it defective." (You can find it written in an artistic way on the website.)

2. Follow the Prophet's (SAWS) above-mentioned instructions.

3. Imagine yourself as Satan throws stones of fire and blows into your chest. Frequently seek refuge with Allah from him.

4. Once you get angry, change your position: sit down if you are standing up, lean if you are sitting down and lie down if you are leaning.



Someone came to Salman, one of the companions, seeking advice. He advised him not to get angry and if he failed to do so, he should at least keep his hands and tongue in check.



You should start today your self-struggling against anger recalling the Prophet's (SAWS) advice not to be angry.